I went out with a somewhat typical boyfriend a couple of years ago. He seemed like a kind, well-intentioned guy who had a passion for going on romantic walks with me in the park.
My closest friend told me that the moment he met this man he knew he was in trouble. He knew right off the bat that this guy was not aneglection.
My idea of a romantic walk was a leisurely stroll with the one who I thought was my soul mate. So we strolled through the park, talking about casual things, and eventually he placed an arm around my shoulder and walked me home.
That was it.
He kissed me where, dear?
That same friend told me that he couldn’t believe his luck when he saw me crying in his arms after he returned to his own home in New York after a three-year stint in England. I am not calling him a matchmaker or anything crass, but he completely misread what the situation demanded.
touched a lot of the usual areas leading to rejection, but he managed to miss a couple of the tell-tale signals and ended up rewarded with all I had to give him.
I dated exactly the same way for several years, always trying to interpret relationships in the same way that my boyfriend did and failing to take into account how he might decide things didn’t work out before I was too deep in love with him.
Let me share a secret with you. Some men aren’t good candidates for serious relationships. You can’t change them, and in most cases, you can’t change a relationship that is headed in that direction anyway.
Now, how did I fix this problem? I realized that rejection was a huge thing for me, so I dated men who gave me the slightest sign of approval at some point but failed to take every opportunity to persuade me, at least when I stood my ground. I realized that if I was going to get anywhere, I was going to be patient, and let me find the man who fit my vision.
In my search, I found an amazing foundation:
Attraction is the key to every successful relationship.
I found that every successful relationship is built around two people coming together not building their lifestyle around only them. That way, both people will come together in a fulfilled friendship, and then have the relationship they want, designed around their needs.
When two people do not have a lot of social time together, or when a party animal dominates the relationship, conflict is inevitable. Such problems are never trivial, and they can be costly. Both people are equally and distinctly limited in their options when it comes to their social time.
As a single woman who is looking for successful relationships, it is a fabulous frustration to want to have your pick of only the very best men, but willing to put your reputation on the line for the opportunity to hang out with Mr. Fantastic.
I compare it to the classic pub and grill. Of course, you go there to enjoy yourself, but you’re also there because you want to meet a friend. You want to have a good time.
And of course, you are willing to walk away from the experience, if the conversation becomes unpleasant or your hosts’ conversations don’t interest you.
The same basic principle is at play when you want to meet a suitable boyfriend.good menare hard to find.Good men are, by their very nature, very cautious and considerations of the woman they want to share their life with.
There are three phases that describe the way that two people interact. The first is interest. You are interested in the guy, so you contact him or make some advance towards him. For a guy, this is equally important as much as you are interested in him. Obviously, he starts out as being very interested in you.But after the first contact, you’ll realize that you have nothing in common. He needs to be interested in you, and your life together is an adventure for him. As time goes on, his curiosity increases and your interest in him widens. By the time you both decide to meet in person (perhaps you have found the right one and it’s already too late), you are both the biggest winners.
A second contact is a compatibility test. Instead of attempting to form a relationship based on what your emotions tell you, you need to have a compatibility test. It’s easier to disqualify a guy that doesn’t fit your life than one that does.
Your relationship is based on what your values are, dreams, values, and life goals are. The best person for you to have an enjoyable relationship is someone that appreciates what you are about.
