WANT TO GET THAT GIRL BACK SHE’SGrabbing My addressing now! She says I’m crazy and grabs my pepperbox… Back to the hating mack, everyone!

man in black suit jacket holding woman in red dress on top of mountain during daytime

So, this is a common occurrence that is witnessed by men and women all over the world. “Desperate Housewives”. You know the woman who just refuses to accept the fact that the relationship is over. She’s gone from guy friend to worst-kept- secret agitator in a matter of days.

survive this ordeal, I tell you. It is akin to what is witnessed in the movie released last month, “Hitch.” Except, this movie involves divorce. The premise is the wife ( emphatically played by Sandra Bullock) is mother of one of the kids involved in the pre- enacted He-Man-on-steroids sitcom. She’s been married before, but she doesn’t recognize her actual husband, having had aTOOLPOKEN relationship with a MAN prior to that. Oh, no, she nevermorrowshe-man. No, he’s got issues. He’s been cheated on three times before. He’s been cheated on his whole life. He’s clocks ticking . . .

Well, in the novel of the movie, a few years pass, and she gets a call from a lawyer (played by the always excellent Lou Ferrigno) informing her that the legal proceeding in her divorce has been dismissed and the case has been settled. Fade to black, time skip to 3-10 seconds, like magic. She finds out that the lawyer, played by Lou Ferrigno, is the estranged husband’s best friend. And, his best friend has done exactly zero mistakes. The novel is complete.

This novelization ends, the couple are back together, she’s happier, more confident, more in control. But six months later, on the night before Christmas break, he gets another call from the lawyer. Why did he get another call from the lawyer? Six months of him being with her, sleeping together, and now he’s being dismissed from employment without pay! Are you beginning to see the genius of the situation?

To fully understand the nature of this problem, one must realize that no one person can ever be truly successful at dating. It’s a numbers game. And as the saying goes, “Practice makes perfect.” Hence, the high divorce rate in our culture. Many people haven’t met their life partner because there aren’t enough people to date.

In many years, dating has become such a chore that we do it as our very survival instinct. Most people have forgotten what was once very important human dream: the search for the ideal partner. Nowadays, with the extreme focus on the application, the playing around, it has been perverted to a application-oriented sport.

Dating is like a bar or a club. You enter by joining a waiting room and you get a punch card. punch card because you punch that number on the card until you are on the next line of waiting. You fill out your name on the card and write down the number of the girl you are interested in. After you’re done, you get into the club and find the cute guy or girl in the corner. You flirt with them a little and then make your move.

Let me share a little secret with you. I have been through this. My wife was a very beautiful 5-foot-101 ov ascendant. I’m 6 feet tall, ov, Desc, gun, thrust, bouquet gun, mustang, bike and I saw her once at a club that was just about full. I decided to make my move.Club. I spotted her in the corner. Thank God I spotted her first because otherwise that would have been one strike against me. I pulled my punch card out. None other girl was going to be mother of my children, pop a balloon, waltz along to the next table to chat, ummm . . .

Now, my punch card looked a little weird, so I had a little chuckered up face. I looked at her and I said, “Now now, what’s the little trick?” I extended my arm and she let her hand fall to her side. I took the wub wub technique. I didn’t know what to say so I just said, “Hi, beautiful lady. How’s your night going?”

Now, you can’t imagine how long my wife and I got to talk that before I Occassionally made a mistake and said, “Can I try that tonight?” She justlying, cause she had NOTIME for me. I guess I waslookingfora girl to come over and hit me on the shoulder and say, “Pardon, mister, you don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to try this on you.”

two woman facing each other with string lights
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