The Power Dynamics of the Dating Game

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You could be sitting across the table from a girl. You could be sitting across the table from a girl that has built a huge relationship with you. That relationship could be based on genuine friendship, mutual respect, comfort, or some other common factor.

What happens if I politeness, graciousness, and common courtesy has finally gotten you that giant recommend from the girl that you want to start dating? All of a sudden she’s got you hopping around her fingers. She’s got you giddy and ballooning at the same time. She might even be trying to direct your attention to a particular part of her body. Right into your very core.

All of a sudden, she takes her eyes off of you, as if by absent mindedness, and she soon reassures you that she hasn’t been neglecting you.

And then what happens? The power dynamics have shifted to another level. You have been lowered in a very particular place – TIME table. What time is that? Oh, about a half hour ago. That’s when you become desperate and probably look for expedient ways to lose that leverage point, to get out of the power game.

So why is this worst case scenario? Because you just gave up your power. You handed it all to a strange girl without even knowing it. And worse yet, she is probably going to assume that because you seemed so weak that you will always resign to her power over you.

And that is the fundamental problem. Unfortunately, this is how the dating game is played. All of a sudden you hand your power over to someone, and then she will acquire this incredible influence over you. You have given her this tremendous amount of power, and you seemingly do not know how to reject her.

So not only are you baffled as to why a girl would have this much power over you, but now you are caught up in a vicious cycle of low self-esteem. That low self-esteem starts with the girl, and the only way to get out of that vicious cycle is to know your relationship dynamics.

Now, I am going to assume for the rest of this article that you are a man in a relationship. You have worked hard to earn the respect of your girlfriend.

So before you go on reading this, I want you to put down the remote. Put down the game controller. Put down the cell phone. Turn off the computer. Get up out of the chair. Close your eyes. This is because I want you to re-ware the overall power dynamic in your relationship, and how you have been playing it.

First of all, you have to be aware that when you start playing the power game, the last thing you want to do is to hand that power to the girl. Why is this? Because the way she treats you is very predictable.

She can probably figure out in advance what your occupation is, what car you drive, how old are, and even what color your coat is. She can do this without you telling her.

Using a car analogy once again- she is not going to want to know how you fixed your car. She doesn’t care. Now, what she probably would like to know is what it is that fuel costs- and so forth. But you can’t tell her that.

When you hand this stuff to her, she has all the power. You have given it to her without your approval. And more power than she has ever had before. 70% of relationships are upended by this. That is what you have handed to her.

Now- what can you do? Since you are a guy, you have the power on this situation. But you have also worked hard to earn this power, so you will need to hold it back. Don’t let her destroy what you have worked so hard to gain.

Next thing- don’t jump the gun. If she asks you what you want to do, what you want to eat, or what she would like to drink on a date, give her the option. But don’tneglectto word your option with her. Instead, set the standards for the date. For example, when you are going to a movie, don’t give her the option to order anything she doesn’t like.

When it comes time to pay for the check, let her pay for the big owe. Don’t even let her offer to go dutch. This will show her that you are capable of handling your finances, that you have a good job, and that you are an established adult. Not inner city, educated kid.

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