Breakups are emotionally devastating, emotionally wrenching events. It actually feels like a physical ripping of one’s heart. I’m unsure if you can begin dating after a breakup because the reality is that a person can only experience misery for a limited amount of time. Some people WATCH spontaneity, and can’t wait to jump back into the dating game as soon as their bitterness takes hold. Let me tell you, if you do this, you’ll experience the same kind of miserable feelings if you do date, that you probably experience BEFORE dating after a breakup. The next time your ex initiates a breakup with you, do you feel the same kind of miserable feelings?
Beware the attraction of the new.
- It feels different.
- It’s confusing.
- It’s erotic, pure human emotion.
The guy you went out with two months ago provides today. The guys that want two children and a dog before they settle down are supplied with a family. The man you’ll wake up next to three months from now is always working. The new man you’re going to meet in the grocery store is battery-free. The young man who wants to have “Jewish” bone surgical procedures is sooner than I thought. The new man whose innocent eyes are in a masculine and those who have had more than one spouse is hearing us aloud. The guy wearing the esthetic boosting tan is animistic. The guy who wants to rearrange your shelf stack is holistic. You feel devalued.
Creating value is your duty as a Christian. In the struggle with a breakup, allowing for the insights of religion gives ideas that are necessary to move through the suffering. Your suffering is not to be considered a justification to dismiss the relationship in favor of a more “perfect” relationship. Your pain is a part of life, the same way a piece of heaven is to experience the agony of a breakup. These insights are necessary to experience the dignity of a breakup.
When is the right time to date after a breakup?
I can’t answer that question. It is one of the most supreme tests of self-esteem, in addition to feeling lonely and rejected. When you find yourself ready to date, just do it. Stop waiting for God to give you the right time. For that matter, don’t wait till he returns.
In the Bechat journal of Dr. Phil, he says the right time is when the person you love knows it is over, and it has ended. He states that grooving to talk for 2 hours, and listening to your favorite music for the next 3 months is the right time. I agree.
In contrast, the right time is not when you’re bored, and it is the person that is bored that has the upper hand. It is not when he is having sex with several other women. His attention is not on you, because he has already had and will never have the right to give you the attention you seek. Your only hope to become the willing recipient of his recognition by first giving him his due.
Sometimes when you’re in a relationship, you begin to feel unworthy simply because you are so eager to be with him. Nothing pleases you more than being in a great relationship. As time goes on, however, he loses interest, and it is not because of you. In other words, as responsibilities and chores pile up, he may begin to disinterest in you. Because you are so desperate to be with him, you close your eyes to the truth. You may be enjoying the attention he showers on you, but when it comes to who he really is, you may not like what you see.
Granted, it goes without saying that you must always be honest with him. The first lies will always come out. It’s challenging to keep them under wraps 24/7. The questions you ask him, the later lies he finally tells, they all add up to who he really is. If he hasn’t shown signs of honesty for fear of being alone, something has to be wrong. Chances are it has something to do with your feelings, his secrets, or the relationship. If and when you can conquer the nagging feeling that there is something wrong, take your time. Don’t rush into doing something drastic that may not be what you want to do. A quick epiphany never does anyone any good. Once a decision is made to move on, it is best to stay in that decision forever.
If you’ve had more than a couple of breakups, you may be experiencing friendship flashes that you may not be coordinated enough to recognize. This happens when two people go their separate ways.