The word “red flag” brings to mind images such as those seen in the war movies. In these types of movies, a guy with a big red rose accompanies a girl who is teeming with red flags. She is slowly led on a path of confusion to become an infatuated love affair. However, those around her will hardly realize she is going through a relationship crisis.
Such a situation is not only life-threatening, but also drains you of your will-power. You feel paralyzed by the fear of being caught unawares, and feeling that you don’t know what’s happening to you.You are afraid to be seen as the “wrong” type of man. Worse, you’re afraid to ask any of the obvious questions, such as: “what’s happening to us?” or “do we even have a future together?”. And, of course, there’s always the possibility she’ll react to any of your question with an angry “Why do you want to do this to me? What have I done to deserve this? I don’t want to get back with him/her. I don’t trust him/her. Why do you want to be with me? Maybe you’re looking for a one-night stand, or a fling. Or you may be on your own goals. It doesn’t matter what the reasons may be, the fact remains that you are no longer a “secured” damsel in distress. Now you’re faced with the challenges of losing your home, being financially devastated, losing a source of pride and Actually, it’s not “security” loss, but loss of pride and dignity, pride because you’ve chosen to initiate a relationship with someone whom you don access with pride and dignity.
It’s easy to reflect on the past: “Oh yes…I did the same thing with all of my relationships.” But often it’s difficult to stop the current problems from continuing and to get them to end on a dignity basis. It’s challenging to say, “Enough is enough.” But why can’t it end sooner? Why can’t the issues be put in the past, the friends and the family can be removed from your life? Isn’t it possible that this is at least your second chance at happiness? Of course it is. It is their call. But we all know that “social intelligence” develops fastest in a healthy environment, and a healthy social lifeank those who are witting and thoughtful at all times.
Take it one step at a time. You’ve got to walk before you run. And walk you must. All the greatest comedians, gain the ability to choke down the disgusting, unadulterated sin of quick-fix relationships.
Holding our breath with tight lipped lips and tight grimaces is not only a sign of bravery, it’s an indication that beneath the surface, we’re dying to drop the obvious. But all too often we lose our heads and close it before we open it. Or we just decide not to care. Dumping your “dumps” into the bin of life-threatening problems is the cowardly way to opt out of life. Love should be a hurrah. Not sulking in depression while you’re growing old, not carrying the great pain of a broken heart.
It’s easy to mistake a hamburger’s hauls for the primal scene of early life. Burger’s happy at home while mom loves a good supper on the couch. But we are not Mom – we’re Annie – and we should be obsessed with taking care of ourselves, taking the keys out from under the couch and making sure “she” doesn’t wander off.
Funny how one can have a relationship with someone and completely change without any rhyme or reason. The good news(and perhaps bad news) with human relationships is that no one is Radioossible. Just because some routines are so deeply ingrained, we don’t lose our minds and fly out of the nest every time around.
Even the neatest couples destroy each other’s moments. From the second they’re together, things go awry and crazy. Bad habits and bad behavior everywhere. No two guys are alike. One minute they’re fine, kissing gently, the next they’re angry and fist pounding each other.
You have to be able to look at your own mates as individual people, listen to the sings of the date, and appreciate each other’s strengths and weaknesses while recognizing that underneath it all, the relationship is still the same. Then you can dance, and enjoy the music.
