Five Killer distracted Date behaviors to avoid

man and woman hugging each other

distracted people do not last

While you were away from your computer, was your mind occupied by thoughts of your ex, your recently-divorced friends, or was it always wondering what he’s doing this Friday night? It’s one thing to be emotional, and it’s another thing to confuse your sense of expectation. Being distracted while dating because of work-related data or because you’re still healing from a break-up is a big reason for failure. And it’s not only during dating that distracted people throw their weight around. Are you a red-faced, angry spouse who hates the mere thought of sessions with your doctor for your sick grandma? If so, you might want to consider whether you want to spend your free time together at all. But if you’re a calm, caring partner who is just prolonging a disagreement because you need to work it out, that time you do spend together will probably be a whole lot more quality time than usual.

Avoid recluse behavior

When you’re threatened by the thought of being away from your computer for a few minutes, you might make life a lot more uncomfortable for yourself. When you do end up spending time away from your computer, make sure you limit how much you talk to each other and what. The same story goes for when you do decide to spend time together. Be fragile and let your love know it’s important to you. You might be tempted to tell a friend how much it hurts to be away from her or him sometimes, but make sure you are not exaggerating the situation. When your partner can’t talk to you, you have a much better chance of learning how to reconnect and never have to regret the decision you made.

Reduce contact in a public place

When you decide to spend time together again, make sure you keep the initial contact in a public place during the first few weeks. Chances are you had a great thing going on your dating site, and now your red hot passion is making you forget about the world as you embraced it during that initial bonding. This is the part of the process where other people get to tell you about themselves, and allow you to get a glimpse of the person they are. This is not the time to be grumpy, moody, and negative. That is not healthy for both you and your dating partner. Instead be positive, and talk about the success of your date. Don’t get too personal at this point either. Talking about you and the person you’re seeing encourages more possible fruitful dates in the future.

Enjoy your freedom

The most negative extension of your new dating experience is to never fully allow yourself to get used to not having a date the next night you go out. This is not healthy at all. I am not saying that you should never go out on a date again; rather, that you should pace yourself. When you go out on a date with no companion, you start to feel like you’re missing out on something (assuming you didn’t have a good time). When you do have a companion, you won’t feel quite so lonely when you go home. Of course, you will need to try and improve your mood a bit more if you want to fully enjoy your time together.

Consider an online dating site

Instead of being put in the uncomfortable situation of having to tell someone that you do not date, many websites allow you to state your preferences – and even allow you to check out the profiles of others with no obligation. That means there is always a safety mechanism if you want to back out of a date quickly. It’s easy to do. Just check your email box once, and if you find someone interesting, just click the button and have her or him kindly talk to you! You don’t have to have pre-conceived ideas about this – just make sure that you go through the results first.

Remember to relax

If you have a date, be sure you have a drink. If you need to use the bathroom, go ahead and avoid creating a scene by leaving in a cone. We’ve all heard talk about ‘art of independence’ – in which case, follow your morning meditation with a sedative such as aromatherapy. You don’t have to be alone to feel the effects of a good evening – use your ‘no-go’ times to explore sensuality in a way that advances your relationship with your date. Also, your body is portable – take it as a form of self-expression, and leave your worries at home. And if the night is a Failure, consider how you can improve your mood once it’s over.

This is the Heckle! The worry that has to be dealt with, at some point, whether it’s before or on a date. Will we make a good first impression? Will we say the right thing? And, most importantly, will we enjoy the company?

man and woman hugging each other